OSF10 Textbook

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OSF10 Textbook

10 Asking a Favor

One Step Further ACTIVITIES

Here are some more responses from the Ibunka Survey on the topic of asking favors. Let’s examine them for underlying cultural trends. We can see that the language in many responses hints at two basic patterns.

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LOOKING FOR PATTERNS

CULTURAL PATTERN A: Ask favors directly In some cultures, it is considered respectful to ask favors from friends and acquaintances in a straightfoward manner.

CULTURAL PATTERN B: Ask favors indirectly In other cultures, hinting at one’s problem and ZDLWLQJ IRU IULHQGV DQG DFTXDLQWDQFHV WR R΍HU WKHLU help is considered respectful.

Read through the Ibunka Survey responses below. Highlight in one color the words and phrases that hint at Cultural Pattern A: Ask favors directly DQG LQ DQRWKHU FRORU WKH SDUWV WKDW UHȵHFW Cultural Pattern B: Ask favors indirectly. You can work and discuss this in pairs or small groups.

. YMNSP /FUFSJXJ UJTUQJ YJSI YT HMFSLJ YMJNW XY^QJ IJUJSINSL TS Y\T YMNSLX \MFY \J WJ asking for, and who we're asking. For example, I can ask a family member or close friend for anything directly, but if the person I need a favor from and I have a less intimate relationship, I carefully consider the timing and how I should communicate even the smallest request. -DSDQHVH IHPDOH SURMHFW PDQDJHU KDV OLYHG LQ WKH 8. 1

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I think that Americans have no qualms about saying "no" to requests from others. So in a way, it's quite easy to ask for help. If they can’t do it (or won’t do it), they will let you know honestly. In the case of Japanese people, I feel I have to always be cautious. -DSDQHVH PDOH VWXGHQW OLYHV LQ WKH 86 2

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Living in Japan, I have had some unpleasant experiences with people who give gifts as an indirect way of asking for future favors. It feels quite uncomfortable to me. )UHQFK PDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 3

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In Japan, I have noticed that sometimes when colleagues ask me for a favor there is an unspoken expectation that I do what is requested. Although the phrasing of the question may make it sound like there’s a choice, the subtext is that I am expected to do it, regardless of how I might feel about it. &DQDGLDQ PDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 4

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I have the impression that Japanese people tend to avoid asking directly for help, perhaps because it makes them accountable to the person who helped. %ULWLVK IHPDOH ELRORJLVW OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 5

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Asking directly for favors is closest to my own experience. I appreciate directness and do not like being expected to read minds. But I think culture is better understood as the way different families within different classes live, as countries are just too big. Different families have different values, and sometimes it's easy to confuse what is normal to me as being 'Australian', when another Australian will have a completely different experience. $XVWUDOLDQ PDOH YLGHRJUDSKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 6 I was brought up in the West part of France, and unconsciously, I think I tend to give hints when I'm having a problem. My closest family members tend to ask favors directly, above all when it's something practical. But, when it's a much more personal matter, I think that in France, people would tend to talk about their problems, hoping to get offered some help. )UHQFK IHPDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 7 I think that in France, friends are usually eager to offer their help or advice if they feel they can; it's a way to show that you care, a mark of friendship. However, unsolicited advice is also common in France. You share a problem, and then some friends or people can have a tendency to give too much advice, to the point of being annoying. This type of personal intrusion is something I have never experienced in Japan. )UHQFK PDOH SURIHVVRU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 8 From my experience in Japan, I think people consider it a virtue to intuit the help that their friends need, and just go ahead and do it without actually consulting them! I have been “helped by a friend” many times where the help wasn’t actually what I wanted. I have learnt not to mention any problems I may be having, even to rather close friends. From what I recall from my youth in Belgium, after hearing about problems I was having, friends would OFFER their help. That’s a huge difference. When I returned to Belgium after some years in Japan, I noticed that there is actually a funny little dance that occurs in those cases. After the friend offers their help, NY NX HTRRTS YT ƳWXY turn it down it, saying something like “No, that would be too much trouble for you”. So then the friend insists, “Don’t worry about it, it’s really no UWTGQJRƐ FSI YMNX HTSYNSZJX ZSYNQ ƳSFQQ^ YMJ TKKJWJI MJQU NX FHHJUYJI . During this back and forth, the problem and its solution have actually been thought about by both people, so it’s really rare to be helped in a way that doesn’t match your actual needs. For me, this feels straightforward and respectful. %HOJLDQ IHPDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 9

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Write a paragraph on the topic of asking and receiving favors. Include your opinions and reactions to the cultural patterns you found in these survey responses.

EXPRESSION

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