OSF7 Textbook

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OSF7 Textbook

7 Romance and Relationships

One Step Further ACTIVITIES

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CULTURAL PATTERN A: Understanding through discussion

CULTURAL PATTERN B: Understanding without words

In some cultures, people believe that it’s important for couples to discuss in depth the issues that they need to make decisions about.

In other cultures, the common assumption is that people should be able to understand their partner’s needs without words, and rely less on rational discussion.

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Intellectually, I am attracted to the idea that partners in a relationship need to talk in order to understand each other. But when I think about it, maybe in reality what I really want is for my husband to guess my needs. It makes me feel loved. I think talking things over is necessary, but ZUTS WJƴJHYNTS , I don’t share my opinions with my partner that often. As for older generations in my home country, I am pretty sure that they don't value discussion between spouses. In traditional Chinese culture, people are shy about expressing their needs. &KLQHVH IHPDOH RɝFH ZRUNHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 1 I think it’s OK that my partner can’t guess my needs, but she should be open to my opinions or requests. I believe that partners should always articulate their needs. I think my Japanese wife is more of the opinion that if you really care for someone, you should be able to intuit their needs. This might explain a constant source of tension in our relationship: I sometimes feel like she wants me to be a mind-reader, but I just want her to say what she wants. We somehow muddle through, and over time have learnt how to adjust to each other’s styles. $PHULFDQ PDOH XQLYHUVLW\ WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 2 My Australian wife and I always talk about things if there are any issues. We also share our needs with each other so that we understand each other on a better level. $XVWUDOLDQ PDOH VSRUWV FRDFK OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 3 I do think that "unspoken" understanding is a sign of a close relationship, but open and honest communication is vital in keeping it strong. 6SDQLVK PDOH XQLYHUVLW\ OHFWXUHU OLYHV LQ 6SDLQ 4 I am married to an Australian man. He’s quite expressive, but sometimes when he’s talking he tends to be too long-winded. I’m not stupid- he doesn’t need to spell things out in so much detail. I think that being too analytical takes some of the romance out of a relationship. -DSDQHVH IHPDOH MHZHOOHU\ DUWLVDQ KDV OLYHG LQ $XVWUDOLD 5

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CULTURAL PATTERN C: Having friends in common is desirable In some cultures, people think that it’s important that couples have mutual friends and do activities together.

CULTURAL PATTERN D: Having separate friends is more comfortable In other cultures, many people think that it is easier and more appropriate if each partner has their own set of friends, since one’s friends may not have much in common with one’s partner.

Highlight in one color the words and phrases that hint at Cultural Pattern C: Having friends in common is desirable, and in another color the parts that suggest Cultural Pattern D: Having separate friends is more comfortable.

We do have some friends in common, but they are mostly my Japanese partner’s friends. .Y HFS GJ XZWUWNXNSLQ^ INKƳHZQY YT LJY MNR YT RJJY R^ KWNJSIX . &URDWLDQ IHPDOH UHVHDUFK VWXGHQW OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 6 Of course! Most of our friends we have in common, but not all of them. I want to see my friends on a regular basis, so if they were just my friends and not his, I would end up spending a lot of time away from my husband. Plus, it’s really fun to talk with him about people we both know. )UHQFK IHPDOH WHDFKHU DQG WUDQVODWRU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 7 There are people I know who are family friends, but I don't think they would call us mutual friends. We don't have any friends in common because we went to different universities and work at different companies. It doesn't matter if we share friends or not. I don’t think it's absolutely necessary to have the same friends as your spouse. -DSDQHVH IHPDOH FRXQVHOORU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 8 No, not truly if I'm being honest. I have gotten to know the key people in her life over the years, and do care for them, but I would not consider them "friends" in the traditional sense. In other words, I would not go out on my own with these people. When I interact with them, my (Japanese) wife is almost always around. The same goes for her and my friends. $PHULFDQ PDOH XQLYHUVLW\ WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 9

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Write a paragraph on the topic of romance. Include your opinions and reactions to the cultural patterns you found in these survey responses.

EXPRESSION

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