OSF9 Textbook

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OSF9 Textbook

9 Parents and Children

One Step Further ACTIVITIES

Here are some more responses from the Ibunka Survey on the topic of parenting. Let’s examine them for underlying cultural trends. We can see that the language in many responses hints at four basic patterns.

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SURVEY

LOOKING FOR PATTERNS

CULTURAL PATTERN A: Parenting is centered on the child

CULTURAL PATTERN B: Parenting is based on rules and manners

In some cultures, many parents indulge their children, and often give them unconditional support (as seen in the Australian person's response on page 60).

In other cultures, children are taught the social rules and etiquette of society in a rather strict way (as seen in the French person's response on page 60).

Read through the Ibunka Survey responses below. Highlight in one color the words and phrases that hint at Cultural Pattern A: Parenting is centered on the child, and in another color the parts that suggest Cultural Pattern B: Parenting is based on rules and manners. You can work and discuss this in pairs or small groups.

I was raised in a pretty strict family. I still hear my father's voice telling me to "sit up straight, don't put your elbows on the table". I feel like I've always been instructed in table manners, with rules like waiting until everyone was at the table before starting to eat, and TSQ^ QJF[NSL YMJ YFGQJ \MJS J[JW^TSJ \FX ƳSNXMJI . ST\ QN[J NS /FUFS SJFW 9TP^T It blows my mind to hear my neighbor's child (who is about 6 years old) running and screaming around the house at 10 pm, sometimes even 11 pm, even on weekdays. I had to go to them several times to ask them to calm him down. )UHQFK IHPDOH DFFRXQWDQW OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 1 A few things about parenting have surprised me while living in Japan. For example, we were at a friend's house and their child was jumping on the sofa, so my kids started jumping up and down too. I told my kids to get down. I said, “We don't jump on furniture.” But the mother said, “No, no, it's okay!” I replied, “No, it is not okay. They can't jump on furniture.” If other people's kids jumped on my furniture I would tell them off. And once my son opened someone else's fridge to get a drink. I told him off but the person said, “No, no, I don't mind.” I said “I mind, it is rude and he can't do it.” I also don't let other people's kids help themselves to things from my fridge. %ULWLVK IHPDOH ZULWHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 2 When my children were in kindergarten and primary school in Japan, I was impressed by the sense of warmth and nurturing. I wish it had been like that for me when I was small. 5XVVLDQ IHPDOH KRXVHZLIH OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 3 Many American children interrupt YMJNW UFWJSYX FSI YMJNW UFWJSYX QJY YMJR \MNHM . ƳSI very vexing. In France, if a child were to interrupt adults who were speaking together, the child would be scolded. )UHQFK PDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ WKH 86 4 . YMNSP (MNSJXJ UFWJSYX FWJ XYWNHY GJHFZXJ YMJ^ GJQNJ[J YMFY YMNX NX YMJ TSQ^ \F^ YT RFPJ their children study hard enough to survive the extreme social pressure. We have a large population, so competition is very ƳJWHJ . My parents set an academic standard for me. I could fall behind a little, but it was not acceptable for my performance to dip below that line. It is YWZJ YMFY FX F (MNSJXJ XYZIJSY NK ^TZ fall behind several times, it is very hard to catch up again. &KLQHVH PDOH PDQDJHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 5

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LOOKING FOR PATTERNS

CULTURAL PATTERN D: Parents and children sleep together

CULTURAL PATTERN C: Parents and children sleep separately

In other cultures, small children are viewed as fragile beings who need to be nurtured and protected, so they sleep with their parents. The family generally sleeps as a group.

In some cultures, children are made to sleep by themselves from a young age. This is to help them become independent, and also to allow parents to have intimacy as a couple.

Read through the Ibunka Survey responses below. Highlight in one color the words and phrases that hint at Cultural Pattern C: Parents and children sleep separately, and in another color the parts that show Cultural Pattern D: Parents and children sleep together. You can work and discuss this in pairs or small groups.

My Japanese wife and I slept alongside our children for many years. We live in Japan, so it just seemed normal. I still remember the shock I had when, as a young couple, we were invited for dinner at a friends’ place during a trip back to New Zealand for the summer. We had left our own daughter with my parents. /ZXY GJKTWJ \J XYFWYJI JFYNSL FWTZSI UR R^ KWNJSI YTTP MNX ^JFW TQI IFZLMYJW ZUXYFNWX YT MJW WTTR FSI . \JSY \NYM MNR . XF\ MNR switching off the lights, telling her good night, and closing the door. We went back downstairs and we adults had a wonderful evening, talking and laughing. For me, it was a surreal experience! 1HZ =HDODQGHU PDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 7 I think a UWJXHMTTQ FLJ child should be asleep by around 8 pm, and they should get used to sleeping in their own room as soon as possible, in order to develop a sense of independence. *HUPDQ IHPDOH ZULWHU KDV OLYHG LQ WKH 8. 8 I think small children should sleep with their parents. Especially when they are only a few months old, it’s better if there is someone right there to take care of them in case of any emergencies. &KLQHVH PDOH VWXGHQW KDV OLYHG LQ -DSDQ 9

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Write a paragraph on the topic of parenting and culture. Include your opinions and reactions to the cultural patterns you found in these survey responses.

EXPRESSION

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