ibunka TB_U10

Cultural Commentary lt l Co entary

Can you do me a solid? This unit in particular (and the next one: Interacting with Strangers) is directly inspired by the chapter on friendship in Raymonde Carroll’s book Cultural Misunderstandings : the French-American experience. Carroll’s approach is to analyze situations of daily life in which intercultural misunderstandings often occur between people from the two cultures she examines: French and American. The Yirst question of our Ibunka Survey on this topic, which opens the People in Other Cultures section of this unit, is actually quite atypical amongst the survey questions in the textbook. Instead of asking respondents to share their opinions and experiences in response to an open-ended question, we ask them how they relate to a very simpliYied version of Carroll’s conclusion. It reads, “An expert on American and French cultures has observed that Americans tend to directly ask favors of their friends. In contrast, French people tend to indirectly hint at a problem they are having, and wait for their friends to offer help. Does that match your personal experience? How do people do this in the culture you grew up in?” We are well aware that asking a question in this way may be seen as leading or skewing respondents’ replies. However, our intention in the Survey was not to produce scientiYic research, but rather to collect authentic stories and opinions from people, in order to pursue a single pedagogical goal. Indirectness is respectful The majority of responses echoed the general direct-indirect continuum suggested in the question. On the “indirect approach”end of the continuum, respondent Marie says on page 65, “As a French person, I agree with the remark concerning French society. When I need help, I tend to just talk to my friends about my problems without asking for help directly, in order to avoid putting pressure on them.” A respondent from neighboring Belgium (One Step Further no.9) expands on this: “From what I recall from my youth in Belgium, after hearing about problems I was having, friends would OFFER their help. That’s a huge difference. When I returned to Belgium after some years in Japan, I noticed that there is actually a funny little dance that occurs in those cases. After the friend offers their help, it is common to Yirst turn it down, saying something like “No, that would be too much trouble for you”. So then the friend insists, “Don’t worry about it, it’s really no problem”, and this continues until Yinally the offered help is accepted.” She goes on to explain why she likes this interaction style: “During this back and forth, the problem and its solution have actually been thought about by both people, so it’s really rare to be helped in a way that doesn’t match your actual needs. For me, this feels straightforward and respectful.” It’s clear that Carroll’s model of cultural difference holds some weight. No, directness is more respectful! Articulating an opinion from the “direct approach” end of the continuum, American respondent Joey says, “I suppose that Americans are rather direct. Especially with people we're close to, we just say, "Hey, could you do me a favor?" or use some other casual expression. And it can be okay to say no to a request without suffering any lasting damage to the relationship.” Australian Lesley concurs, “Australians generally ask favors of others directly but politely. I have the feeling that hinting at a problem might be seen as slippery or even somehow dishonest, since it’s generally a culture which prides itself on straight, honest communication.” Culture shocks galore Such hidden, unconscious differences in how to conduct such a basic human interaction naturally lead to culture shocks. Raymonde Carroll explains that when experiencing this interaction Someone from a French culture background will typically think something like, “American people are so superYicial! I thought that Mary was my friend, but when I needed help (and I mentioned my problem to her) she didn’t even offer to help me.” Conversely, American people tend to consider offers of help as intrusions into the friend’s life: “Pierre is my friend, so he knows that he can ask me anything. If he needed my help, he would have asked.” In a different area of life, when one is dealing with strangers and not close people like friends, the same logic seems to apply, as Polly Platt explains in her book French or Foe? Stopping someone on a street in France and asking them bluntly to tell you where the post ofYice is, for example, is likely to attract negative reactions. On the contrary, Platt suggests that if (after greeting the person properly, of course) you start by explaining your situation, saying something like, “Excusez-moi, Monsieur / Madame, mais j’ai un problème…” (“Excuse me, but I have a problem…”), people actually show great kindness. She goes as far as calling those the “Four magic words”. A direct request for help doesn’t bring about good results, whereas simply hinting quickly at a more roundabout request opens people’s hearts.

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UNIT 10 | CULTURAL COMMENTARY