ibunka TB_U4

Unit 4

- Having Guests in Your Home

INTRODUCTION TO TEACHERS This unit is about exploring different attitudes to our homes as spaces for living and whether or not we choose to socialize with people at home. Students are sharing some very private information about their living arrangements, so it might be a good idea to give them a little “heads-up” beforehand. By the end of the unit, the goal is to have them see that there is no one universal rule for when visiting the homes of other people, and not all Western cultures have the same rules. If any students are planning on doing a homestay in a foreign country, the responses in this unit can be good preparation for them.

Part 1 ........................................................................................................63 Part 2 ........................................................................................................65 One Step Further .................................................................................68 Cultural Commentary ........................................................................72

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UNIT 4 | INTRODUCTION

Part 1

1 - You and Your Culture

Online Form for WARM-UP SURVEY (textbook p.26)

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Online Form for INTERVIEW (textbook p.27)

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Example Sentences for INTERVIEW (textbook p.27) Q1: Who do you currently live with? • I live with my family; my father and mother, younger brother and grandfather. • I live alone in an apartment near campus. • I live with my parents in the house I grew up in. Q2: How often do people come to your home? • Our relatives visit once or twice a year, and I sometimes have friends over on the weekend. • My mother occasionally has friends over for coffee, but I never do. • I can’t remember the last time someone visited my house. Q3: What do people usually visit your house for? • My friends usually just hang out or play video games with me. • When relatives come they usually stay for dinner. • Occasionally I’ll have a takoyaki party or something fun like that. Q4: Which rooms in your house do you let guests into? • Neighbors come only as far as the entry hall. It’s rare for them to take off their shoes and come in. • My friends usually just come through the entry hall into my room. Q4.1: Do you give people a tour of your house? • Sometimes, if it’s someone who I know will come over again. • No, never. That would feel like showing off. Q5: Do you prefer to spend time with people in their homes, or in public places such as cafes? Why? • I prefer to socialize in cafes and restaurants, because I don’t have to tidy up or cook. • I guess I like socializing in homes. It’s more relaxing for me.

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UNIT 4 | WARM-UP SURVEY & INTERVIEW

Script for Model INTERVIEW (textbook p.27)

→ Available as audio track “4-00-Interview4” for listening/note-taking practice.

Q1: Who do you currently live with? Jun: I live at home with my parents. I might move out soon, though. Q2: I see. How often do people come to your home?

Jun: Well, my grandparents live in the next town, and they might drop by once a month or so. And people from the neighborhood might come in, but that’s only once a year , for the local summer festival. But I almost never have friends over to my house. Q3: What do people usually visit your house for? Jun: Well, my grandparents come over for dinner, and they occasionally stay the night. Neighbors just drop by to help with the festival. And if friends do come over, it's just for a coffee, sometimes lunch. Q4: Which rooms in your house do you let guests into? Jun: Well, obviously my grandparents are welcome anywhere in the house, but my friends usually just come into the living room, or my bedroom. Neighbors would just come as far as the entry hall. Q4.1: Do you give people a tour of your house? Jun: No, never. It would feel kind of strange to do that. Q5: Do you prefer to spend time with people in their homes, or in public places such as cafes? Jun: I guess I prefer cafes in general. There’s a nice atmosphere, and you don’t have to worry about making food that everyone likes. But I do like having friends over, especially when my parents are out.

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UNIT 4 | INTERVIEW

Online Form for EXPRESSION 1 & 2 (textbook p.28)

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Example Sentences for EXPRESSION 1 (textbook p.28) • I think that in Japan, couples with young children prefer to socialize in restaurants rather than host parties at home. • I think that in Japan, elderly people prefer to invite people over rather than eat out with friends. • In my opinion, university students are more likely than salaried workers to invite people into their home. • In my opinion, people living alone are more likely than people living with their family to invite people into their home. • In my opinion, most businessmen prefer to go for after-work drinks rather than to eat dinner at home, but many wives want their husband to come home earlier and eat dinner with them. Example Sentences for EXPRESSION 2 (textbook p.28) • My feeling is that some Japanese people socialize in restaurants, but I prefer to invite people over. The reason is that I think home parties are more relaxing and enjoyable than parties in restaurants. • My guess is that most Japanese salaried workers like to go for after-work drinks, but I’m not sure, because I’ve never worked full-time. I work part -time at an izakaya and most customers are salaried workers. What’s more, most of them are men. It looks like they are having fun.

Part 2 art 2 - People in Other Cultures

Online Form for PART 2 (textbook p.29-p.31)

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Answers to COMPREHENSION 1 (textbook p.29) Highlighted words are those from the VOCABULARY boxes.

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UNIT 4 | EXPRESSION & COMPREHENSION

1 Billy , Canadian, accounts manager, lives in Japan Yes. It is very common. In fact, when I was growing up, it wasn’t uncommon for my friends to be over at my parents’ house, when I wasn’t there! I sometimes returned home from my part-time job to find friends in my basement playing video games with my brothers.

TRUE FALSE

→ In the culture Billy grew up in, most people don’t usually socialize in their homes.

☑

□

2 Bob , American, professor, lives in Japan I am American and I have a fairly open attitude towards socializing at home. I enjoy inviting people over casually, for a drink or coffee, for example. But for my Japanese wife, there is no such thing as a "casual" visit from a guest. For her, the house is reserved almost exclusively for visits from family.

TRUE FALSE

→ Bob and his wife have very similar views about inviting people to their house.

☑

□

3 Maya , Spanish, photographer, has lived in the UK I don’t mind meeting people at restaurants, but all my friends have come to my place and had dinner together many times. I can open up and show my true self that way. If someone had never visited my home, I would feel strange about calling that person a friend.

TRUE FALSE

→ Maya believes that showing someone your living space is an important part of friendship.

☑

□

Answers to COMPREHENSION 2 (textbook p.30)

4 Jeremy, American, cook, has lived in Italy Sure, I do. I want them to be able to really relax . Once I’ve shown them around most of the rooms and where everything is, my guests are free to help themselves to any food or drink, and then they don’t need me to guide them. In this way, they can truly feel at home. 5 Isabelle , French, consultant, has lived in the US No. When I was a teenager I used to bring friends to my bedroom so we could chat in private. But now that I’m an adult and I have my own place, nobody comes to my bedroom. I would never think of showing that space to people now, even my close friends. We just hang out in the living room or the kitchen.

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UNIT 4 | COMPREHENSION

Example Sentences for DISCUSSION (textbook p.30) • I found Maya’s response to be the most interesting. I didn’t know that showing your house to friends was such an important part of friendship for some people. • I found Billy’s response to be the most surprising. I can’t imagine my friends being in my house without me being there too. • I found Isabelle’s response to be the most understandable. When I was young, my friends used to come over to my house and hang out in my bedroom, but now I don’t have anyone over. It’s my private space.

Answers to CULTURE SHOCK (textbook p.31)

6 Dave, Canadian, English teacher, lives in Japan I’ve been married to my Japanese wife Yukiko for five years. She always says “Go out with your friends,” but I’d like her to meet them too! Back home in Canada, my parents often invited couples over for dinner, and they would bring their kids with them too. In that sense, it’s a little lonely. I feel like we’re leading disconnected lives.

TRUE FALSE

→ Dave feels disappointed that he and his wife don’t socialize together.

☑

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7 Manami , Japanese, sales staff, has lived in Australia Four years ago I did a homestay in Perth, Australia. My host mother was a charming lady. She showed me all over the house, and told me to help myself to any food to make my own breakfasts and lunches. At first, I was too shy to even open the fridge by myself, and barely ate anything the first week! I can laugh about it now, because now I see that hosts and guests sometimes have very different expectations.

TRUE FALSE

→ Manami found it easy to freely take food from her host mother’s fridge.

☑

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Extra Discussion Questions 1. Why do you think that in general, most Japanese people prefer to socialize outside of the home? 2. Have you ever felt uncomfortable when visiting someone’s home? Why do you think you felt this way? 3. Have you ever hosted (or would you like to host) a foreign student in your home as part of a homestay program? What kind of information about Japanese homes do you think is important for these visitors to know, and how would you communicate this?

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UNIT 4 | DISCUSSION & CULTURE SHOCK

One Step Further rther

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Suggested Answers for ONE STEP FURTHER Activities (Google Form)

p.80-p.81 | LOOKING FOR PATTERNS Here are some example answers for the Google form.

1 Japanese / female / teacher / lives in the Netherlands Cultural Pattern A: I took an expensive store-bought cake.

Cultural Pattern B: other guests were bringing simple thing like a homemade pasta dish, or nothing at all / relaxed attitude

2 Japanese / male / company employee / has lived in Ireland Cultural Pattern A: stuff I buy tends to pile up around me, because my home has very little storage / if I wanted to invite someone over it would require a lot of preparation, so I hardly ever do it.

Cultural Pattern B: The houses I saw in Ireland had a lot of closets.

3 Australian / female / consultant / lives in Japan Cultural Pattern A: none 4 Australian / male / translator / lives in Japan Cultural Pattern A: I often eat out here in Kyoto where I live / it's easy to find a good place to spend time with others / eating out and talking with friends / is usually lots of fun.

Cultural Pattern B: very common to invite people over for a meal and/ or drinks

Cultural Pattern B: none

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UNIT 4 | ONE STEP FURTHER

5 Japanese / male / banker / has lived in France and Canada Cultural Pattern A: I usually socialize outside the home / a very personal and private space / be careful not to give them the wrong impression. 6 Australian-German / female / speech therapist / lives in Australia Cultural Pattern A: none Cultural Pattern B: Cultural Pattern B: none

I like having people over to my home to socialize. I love to cook and to host / I would feel cheap inviting people to a restaurant / If I wanted to see my friends, I would invite them to my home.

7 French / male / professor / lives in Japan Cultural Pattern A: we don't often invite people to our house, even family / They don’t stay long at our place / I have gotten used to not welcoming people to our home very often. 8 Canadian / female / homemaker / lives in Japan Cultural Pattern A: Japanese homes are a cluttered mess / I do not enjoy having people over. 9 British / male / chef / lives in Japan Cultural Pattern A: She made me wait outside while she tidied the house - for about fifteen minutes-, before welcoming me inside / I have not visited a Japanese colleague unexpectedly since then. 10 French / female / teacher / lives in Japan Cultural Pattern A: Japanese homes are cluttered, not managed enough, and that they are not designed to be beautiful on a daily basis.

Cultural Pattern B: I miss it.

Cultural Pattern B: none

Cultural Pattern B: none

Cultural Pattern B: In France, people look for beauty and functionality

11 Australian / female / career counselor / has lived in France and Morocco Cultural Pattern A: full to overflowing with stuff, just piled up Cultural Pattern B: none

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UNIT 4 | ONE STEP FURTHER

4 Having Guests in Your Home

One Step Further ACTIVITIES

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CULTURAL PATTERN A: Socializing outside of the home

CULTURAL PATTERN B: Socializing in the home In other cultures, houses welcome guests on a regular basis because having people over for meals, drinks, etc. is considered an important part of friendship. In those cultures, it is important to keep one’s house tidy and accessible enough that you can welcome visitors at any time.

In some cultures, the inside of the house is seen as a private place that people outside one’s immediate circle are not expected to enter. People feel more comfortable getting together in public places like cafes and restaurants.

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9MJ ƳWXY YNRJ . \FX NS[NYJI YT F UFWY^ FY F KWNJSIX MTRJ NS &RXYJWIFR I took an expensive store-bought cake. But when I arrived, I saw that other guests were bringing simple things like a homemade pasta dish, or nothing at all - we were all students on a limited budget. I got used to that relaxed attitude after a while. -DSDQHVH IHPDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ WKH 1HWKHUODQGV 1 The houses I saw in Ireland had a lot of closets. When I returned to Japan, I realized that the stuff I buy tends to pile up around me, because my home has very little storage. I can’t have visitors just dropping by without notice, and if I wanted to invite someone over it would require a lot of preparation, so I hardly ever do it. -DSDQHVH PDOH FRPSDQ\ HPSOR\HH KDV OLYHG LQ ΖUHODQG 2 In Australia, it is very common to invite people over for a meal and/or drinks. It’s not such a big deal for most people. $XVWUDOLDQ IHPDOH FRQVXOWDQW OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 3 I often eat out here in Kyoto where I live. The quality of food and hospitality is really quite high, and the prices pretty cheap, so NYX JFX^ YT ƳSI F LTTI UQFHJ YT XUJSI YNRJ \NYM others. Sometimes I feel parties and events can be a little too stiff and ritualised, but eating out and talking with friends (and co-workers who become friends) is usually lots of fun. $XVWUDOLDQ PDOH WUDQVODWRU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 4 I usually socialize outside the home, that is, in a cafe or restaurant. I think one of the reasons for this is that inviting someone to your home means inviting them into a very personal and private space, so you have to be careful not to give them the wrong impression. -DSDQHVH PDOH EDQNHU KDV OLYHG LQ )UDQFH DQG &DQDGD 5

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I like having people over to my home to socialize. I love to cook and to host. Unless I was paying for my guests, I would feel cheap inviting people to a restaurant. If I wanted to see my friends, I would invite them to my home. $XVWUDOLDQ *HUPDQ IHPDOH VSHHFK WKHUDSLVW OLYHV LQ $XVWUDOLD 6 Yes, here in Japan things are quite different from France; we don't often invite people to our house, even family. For example, when my Japanese wife’s parents visit, we will pay for a hotel for them, even though they come from far away. They don’t stay long at our place, either. In order to adapt to the local culture and especially to the wishes of my Japanese wife, I have gotten used to not welcoming people to our home very often. I miss it. )UHQFK PDOH SURIHVVRU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 7 In my experience, Japanese homes are a cluttered mess, especially if kids are involved. Ours is a disaster, and I do not enjoy having people over. After a while, this "who cares" attitude sinks in, and it's just too time-consuming to bother with tidying up. &DQDGLDQ IHPDOH KRPHPDNHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 8 I once visited a Japanese colleague without pre-arrangement. This happened by chance; I went hiking, got lost, and stumbled across her residence. She made me wait outside while she tidied YMJ MTZXJ KTW FGTZY ƳKYJJS RNSZYJX GJKTWJ \JQHTRNSL RJ NSXNIJ . This was 35 years ago. I have not visited a Japanese colleague unexpectedly since then. %ULWLVK PDOH FKHI OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 9 Tidying up the house does not seem as important as in France, since the space remains private and will not be seen by outsiders. French people often feel that Japanese homes are cluttered, not managed enough, and that they are not designed to be beautiful on a daily basis. In France, people look for beauty and functionality, but in Japan, I feel people are preoccupied with functionality and don’t worry about beauty. )UHQFK IHPDOH WHDFKHU OLYHV LQ -DSDQ 10 Most Japanese houses I visited were often full to T[JWƴT\NSL \NYM stuff, just piled up. I guess this can largely be put down to the size of houses, or lack of storage options. $XVWUDOLDQ IHPDOH FDUHHU FRXQVHORU KDV OLYHG LQ )UDQFH DQG 0RURFFR 11

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Cultural Commentary l C entary

In this Unit, we explore some ideas about socializing with friends in one’s own home, or outside of the home. This may not seem like a very important topic, but as many foreigners in Japan discover, it can actually be a

signiYicant and sensitive one. Come on over! (or don’t)

By and large, in Japan it seems quite rare for people to invite people who are not family members into their home. There are some common exceptions, such as mothers with small children ( mama tomo ) and students who have their own apartment. In contrast, in many Western countries it is common, and actually quite important to interpersonal relationships, to invite friends over to one’s place. As the Spanish respondent Maya states in her Ibunka Survey response on p.29, “If someone had never visited my home, I would feel strange about calling that person a friend.” In those cultures, most people try to keep their houses reasonably clean and tidy so that guests can be invited without too much preparation, and even sometimes visit on an impromptu basis. “I am not your maid!” This can be a point of contention for Western-Japanese couples, especially when the Japanese spouse is female (since, despite progress, the home is still often considered the wife’s realm). A common pattern (described by Dave and Manami on p.31) is that Western men will insist on inviting friends over, not understanding how much stress this means for their wife. The wife will play along and put considerable energy into cleaning up, preparing food and hosting their guests appropriately. The husband later Yinds out to his dismay that she did not appreciate it at all and that he has to pay an exorbitant emotional price for what he thought was a casual, positive social event. He progressively gives up on the idea, and stops inviting friends over.

Clutter? What clutter? Another factor in whether you invite people to your home or not is whether your house is tidy and spacious enough to receive guests. There is a widespread stereotype in the West that Japanese homes are quite ordered and minimalistic, with a minimum of clutter. As many people living in Japan will attest, this is quite often far from the truth, and even a source of some culture shock. Canadian respondent (OSF, no.8, p.81) shares that “In my experience, Japanese homes are a cluttered mess, especially if kids are involved. Ours is a disaster, and I do not enjoy having people over. After a while, this "who cares" attitude sinks in, and it's just too time-consuming to bother with tidying up.” A French respondent adds: “Tidying up the house does not seem as important as in France, since the space remains private and will not be seen by outsiders. French people often feel that Japanese homes are cluttered, not managed enough, and that they are not designed to be beautiful on a daily basis. In France, people look for beauty and functionality, but in Japan, I feel people are preoccupied with functionality and don’t worry about beauty.” Let’s have a look around

On the topic of having guests in one’s home, it is tempting to contrast “Western countries” with “Japan”, because there is undeniably a powerful cultural gap there. However, there are also considerable differences among Western countries, in particular between North American/Australian/NZ cultures and European cultures. In the US, a guest is usually given a tour of their host’s house in a gesture of openness and friendship. This is inconceivable in countries like France, except on the special occasions that are housewarming parties. In French homes, the living room and nowadays the kitchen are open to guests, but the bedrooms and bathroom are not (bathrooms and toilets are usually separate). Guests are supposed to know this implicit rule of territory.

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UNIT 4 | CULTURAL COMMENTARY

Make yourself at home The interaction styles that go together with these different “geographies” are also widely different. Americans expect their guests to help themselves, as Jeremy states on page 30: “Sure, I do (give a tour of my home to guests). I want them to be able to really relax. Once I’ve shown them around most of the rooms and where everything is, my guests are free to help themselves to any food or drink, and then they don’t need me to guide them. In this way, they can truly feel at home.” A French person, in contrast, will hesitate to help themselves to food or drink in another person’s fridge, even after being invited to do so. In British culture as well, this is “not the done thing.” Sometimes the gap in norms and expectations can cause some difYiculty. This was made acutely clear in the situation described on page 31 by Japanese respondent Masami, who went quite hungry for a week at the beginning of her homestay in Australia, since expectations about what hosts and guests should do were not completely clear. Host and guest responsibilities In the chapter on “The House” in her book Cultural Misunderstandings: The French-American Experience (University of Chicago Press, 1990), anthropologist Raymonde Carroll gives a clear explanation of these cultural patterns. She explains that in French culture the guest has the responsibility to know the rules, whereas in American culture the host is supposed to tell the guest if there are any limits on where they can go and what they can do. As we did in the Cultural Commentary of Unit 1 (Introducing Yourself), we can connect this with the concept of high/low context cultures. The renowned ethnologist Edward T. Hall characterizes American culture as a “low context culture”. This means that people rely comparatively less on the context to understand the meaning of situations and words. They prefer and need more explicitness. By contrast, Japanese culture is a comparatively high context culture: the social context provides many clues to communication, and less needs to be explicitly said. Many European cultures are said to fall somewhere between these two extremes. The survey responses in this unit are a particularly powerful demonstration of diversity amongst foreign cultures. One of the aims of this course is to steer students away from simplistic “them-versus-us” dichotomies (sometimes alarmingly reduced to “Japan is this way, and (all) other countries are another”.) Careful reading of the responses will reveal the crucial fact that not all Western cultures are the same . French culture is more like that of North America when it comes to the desire to invite friends to your home, but much more like Japanese culture in regards to guest behavior. References and further reading • Carroll, R. (1988), Cultural Misunderstandings : the French-American experience , Chicago : University of Chicago Press • Hall, E.T. (1976), Beyond Culture , Garden City, N.Y. : Anchor Press

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UNIT 4 | CULTURAL COMMENTARY