ibunka TB_U4

Cultural Commentary l C entary

In this Unit, we explore some ideas about socializing with friends in one’s own home, or outside of the home. This may not seem like a very important topic, but as many foreigners in Japan discover, it can actually be a

signiYicant and sensitive one. Come on over! (or don’t)

By and large, in Japan it seems quite rare for people to invite people who are not family members into their home. There are some common exceptions, such as mothers with small children ( mama tomo ) and students who have their own apartment. In contrast, in many Western countries it is common, and actually quite important to interpersonal relationships, to invite friends over to one’s place. As the Spanish respondent Maya states in her Ibunka Survey response on p.29, “If someone had never visited my home, I would feel strange about calling that person a friend.” In those cultures, most people try to keep their houses reasonably clean and tidy so that guests can be invited without too much preparation, and even sometimes visit on an impromptu basis. “I am not your maid!” This can be a point of contention for Western-Japanese couples, especially when the Japanese spouse is female (since, despite progress, the home is still often considered the wife’s realm). A common pattern (described by Dave and Manami on p.31) is that Western men will insist on inviting friends over, not understanding how much stress this means for their wife. The wife will play along and put considerable energy into cleaning up, preparing food and hosting their guests appropriately. The husband later Yinds out to his dismay that she did not appreciate it at all and that he has to pay an exorbitant emotional price for what he thought was a casual, positive social event. He progressively gives up on the idea, and stops inviting friends over.

Clutter? What clutter? Another factor in whether you invite people to your home or not is whether your house is tidy and spacious enough to receive guests. There is a widespread stereotype in the West that Japanese homes are quite ordered and minimalistic, with a minimum of clutter. As many people living in Japan will attest, this is quite often far from the truth, and even a source of some culture shock. Canadian respondent (OSF, no.8, p.81) shares that “In my experience, Japanese homes are a cluttered mess, especially if kids are involved. Ours is a disaster, and I do not enjoy having people over. After a while, this "who cares" attitude sinks in, and it's just too time-consuming to bother with tidying up.” A French respondent adds: “Tidying up the house does not seem as important as in France, since the space remains private and will not be seen by outsiders. French people often feel that Japanese homes are cluttered, not managed enough, and that they are not designed to be beautiful on a daily basis. In France, people look for beauty and functionality, but in Japan, I feel people are preoccupied with functionality and don’t worry about beauty.” Let’s have a look around

On the topic of having guests in one’s home, it is tempting to contrast “Western countries” with “Japan”, because there is undeniably a powerful cultural gap there. However, there are also considerable differences among Western countries, in particular between North American/Australian/NZ cultures and European cultures. In the US, a guest is usually given a tour of their host’s house in a gesture of openness and friendship. This is inconceivable in countries like France, except on the special occasions that are housewarming parties. In French homes, the living room and nowadays the kitchen are open to guests, but the bedrooms and bathroom are not (bathrooms and toilets are usually separate). Guests are supposed to know this implicit rule of territory.

72

UNIT 4 | CULTURAL COMMENTARY